This picture was taken at the Military Ball in November 2016. This was right around when my depression started hitting me hard. Each day got a little harder to get up. The holidays were right around the corner and knowing I wouldn't be with my family, cut into me deeply. I've never been away from my family more than a week. My depression was already ten times worse. I was working, but I never wore make up and my hair was always up. I worked at a jewerly store. NOT how you're supposed to present yourself, but at this point I told myself "I don't care." I never wore make up because I told myself I was ugly anyway. I looked down on myself. I didn't care about anything, except going home and going to bed. Yes, I may be smiling in this picture. But in the back of my mind all I kept thinking was that this smile was fake. Happiness doesn't exist anymore. I loved my husband, but he could never, and never did, realize how much I let my depression take over my life. As time went on, it just got worse. That's why I started eating out so much because I didn't care about mybody anymore. I didn't care anything anything.

Now this picture was taken in March 2017. I had gained like 25 pounds or so since November. This was just the very beginning of my diet. I used to judge myself in this picture. Like why do my arms look so fat? Oh, and don't even get me started on my chubby face. But now, I've learned, that god has built each and every one of us in different ways. We are ALL beautiful. My anxiety was still somewhat bad, but my depression started getting a little better.THEN I had a bad turn in my life, again. I quit my job at the jewerly store, and got a better paying job at a doctors office. It turned into a disaster. I only lasted a week, and I quit. My stress and anxiety ate me alive. I cried to my husband I didn't want to go back. Of course no job=no money. We live off of base, so hubby was the only one bringing in money. I felt so sick all the time and I didn't relaize how hard it was being a military wife. Being off work, I was home alone, again. I remember I slept all day and I couldn't eat I was so sick to my stomach. I needed god. I needed him bad, before I got worse. I didn't have friends here. I was alone. Even when my husband was home, I would sleep anyway. Sometimes, I thought my life was just meant to be over. Nothing was going good for me, no job, stressed about money, and I that's when I finally realize one day I HAD to change myself and my life.